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My uncle tricked the family, 'cause they were so unkind
They made it to his wake around suppertime
He sat up in the coffin and asked what's to eat
Well they never saw it coming and it can't be beat

Got a friend on the throne to take off a load
Better hit the lights 'cause it's a public commode
He can choose between the light switch and the toilet seat
He'll never see it coming, and it can't be beat

If you don't like smoking but you got a friend
Take his cigarette, shove an explosive in the end
That'll show him smoking gives you a heart attack
And you can do it all again if he ever goes back

If he keeps on making trouble, then you tap his phone
Gather up some secrets and when he's all alone
Tell him that you know things and he's going down
And if you were him, well you wouldn't play around

All of this might not go down so well
He'll probably come calling, he'll be mad as hell
You got to be ready, if it's a lawsuit or a gun
Just make sure yours is bigger, whichever one

He says man, why you always gotta be the guy
Escalating things when there's no reason why
That's when you take him with your hands and feet
And say 'cause I'm the escalator, and I can't be beat


from To Have Something Hot, released May 3, 2015
With Joshua Jones, lead guitar; John Saller, harmonica

Photo: EC



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Erik Cameron Chicago, Illinois

Music, words, whiskey and dog. Guitar parts and pickles and print. Brackish beer. Born on Cinco de Mayo.

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